


Convict-ion

by bigsoup



Category: Fate/Grand Order, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, Gen, Humor, Multi, Slow Burn, blood tw, gore tw, just until the initial shit is done with and they can spend some time rebuilding, more plot than romance for the moment
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-11
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-07-11 00:19:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15960674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigsoup/pseuds/bigsoup
Summary: (rewrite)A human is picked by fate.They are strong, smart, capable, practiced, iron willed, and armed with forgiveness and compassion for allBut then an escaped convict ties him up in a closet and accidentally takes his job.





	1. Closet pervert, italian milf, Mash dies

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bigsoup](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigsoup/gifts).



> Yay!!!
> 
> Thank you for the support!
> 
> I hope you enjoy, I'm sorry its a lot more...gritty, blood, and lmao angsty then was intended.

Rewrite!!!!

 

Ritsuka Fujimaru was a combination of horny, unlucky, and fuzzy static foot. Like the thing where your foot goes numb and it hurts and feels like tv static? Yeah, that was there and staving off some of the horniness. Being a kinky motherfucker had its drawbacks when a frankly frightening woman several times stronger than you, jumps you in an empty facility, strips you down, and ties you up in a dark closet while she undresses in front of you.

 

He swallowed the hot thick lump of saliva that built in his throat and shook his head to move the thick black hair from his eyes. Crystal blue eyes that wandered over her body without reservation, resting within a face that was red with rushing blood. Her chest bounced and she let out a groan of frustration as she wrangled the small shirt over her chest. It looked awkward and BDSM like on her form, only serving to leak a string of drool from Ritsuka’s now gaping mouth. Foot discomfort be damned- the man now had a raging erection due to his rose-tinted glasses.

 

She was looking around now, her pupils massive within the dimly lit and close quarters closet. She crouched down with her face near inches from Ritsuka’s as she patted at the floor. He let out a high pitched and feminine moan of anticipation, at which she halted and gave him a look between disgust and amusement. Awkwardly she continued to pat around while Ritsuka wallowed in the embarrassment of his outburst and now apparent terrible judgement. He cleared his throat and spoke softly.

 

“So uh...are you for real robbing me?”

 

Her yellow cat eyes darted to his face and she grimaced as the wheels in her head turned. Then she gave him the most forced smirk she could and stroked his cheek.

 

“A-h ha...it’s no fun if you break the roleplay…” She tried to make her voice husky but it came out deep and flat. Regardless of all the tell-tale signs that she was most definitely lying, his eyes lit up and he nodded freverently.

 

“Oh! Ok!”

 

Her smile was relieved and forced.

 

“So my little captive I can’t have you making noises while I punish you…” She rifles around the dirty burlap bag she had brought with her and pulled out a cloth previously used for wiping the sweat and sebum from her face. With a face of disgust she gently tucked it into his open and eagerly awaiting mouth.

 

“Mmmm, it’s sweaty.” He was groaning with satisfaction.

 

She threw up a little in her mouth and turned her head away to furiously search the ground.

 

“Oh yes you...naughty(?) boy.-” Her hand felt he familiar fabric and she yanked it from the darkness. “-Now you be good and keep quiet…-” She shoved her feet into his shoes, which were just a little on the small side but nothing she couldn’t handle. “-or else your punishment will be worse.”

Her hands worked the yellow scrunchie into her orange hair and she rose to her full height and reached for the door. Behind her, Ritsuka let out a muffled moan and within a second, she was out of the closet and inside an empty hall.

 

In retrospect she should have checked to make sure no one was around but then again she just bluffed her way into making the guy she just jumped believe that she was some sort of??? Sex magician??? Or something???

 

She didn’t know but the confusion washed away as she locked the door and then jammed it with crest gum she found in his pocket. Such things were strange but within the context of her life, nothing to care about for more than 5 minutes. Satisfaction was injected into her blood and pumped through her body as she strut down the empty hall with eyes alight and hair almost bouncy. Only a few months of incarceration had left her skin sallow, roots greasy, eyes sunken, and coochy pH far from ideal. Oh god did she need some lotion...already scheming as she walked, she didn’t notice the voice that called out until a heavy weight made friends with her face.

 

Mash cried out in alarm as she watched a senpai met with a terrible fate stumble backwards and then grasp Fou by his tiny dense body. She held him apart from her body at arms length, blinking in a dazed manner but meeting Mash’s lavender eyes with a questioning smile.

 

“Eh heh...hello.”

 

Mash let out a shriek and rushed to hold Fou- who curled around her neck- and offered her apologies.

 

“I’m so so sorry Senpai- Fou is very energetic sometimes but I didn’t think he would- oh goodness you look awful! Not that you’re ugly it’s just that you look tired and fatigued- NOT IN A BAD WAY I’M JUST WORRIED ABOUT YOU, YOU DON’T LOOK TERRIBLE JUST-”

 

“Sweetpea it’s alright, I know I look bad it’s been a rough couple of days.” She offered the panicking girl a soft smile and held out her hand. “My name is Ritsuka Fujimaru, but my friends call me Gudako.”

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  
  


Gudako sipped at the instant made green tea and let out a pleased sigh, resting her head on the wall.

 

“Ah...it’s been so long since I’ve been able to just sit and drink something hot and despairingly artificial.” Despite her words her tone was affectionate and fond. Next to her, Mash watched with wide and curious eyes.

 

“So...senpai you’re here with the new Master program?”

 

“Hmmm yes yes that sounds about right. But who cares about that-” After all Gudako spent a lot of time reading up on Fujimaru’s file and didn’t care to relay the details at the moment. “What about you, Mash?” Gudako rested her hand in her palm and sipped her tea, ignoring the strange cloud cat that crept across the bench to nibble at her hair.

 

“Ah-! Oh I’m no one too special…” Mash’s cheeks flushed and she looked down at her hands. “I’m here for ah...well...research purposes.”

 

Gudako sipped her tea and hummed an affirmation, encouraging her.

 

“So um...well the one eating your hair is Fou, he is one of my more fickle friends here at Chaldea. Oh! And there is Romani--” Her expression falls from excited to dark in a second. “He is an awful and disgraceful man, only focused on a k pop star, Da Vinci hates him too-”

 

“Hold up-” Gudako let out a chuckle. “You have a staff member named ‘Da Vinci’? That’s...spectacular.” She wanted to say ‘sick as all hell’ but whatever a ‘Master’ was likely didn’t have such a sophisticated vocabulary. 

 

“Da Vinci? She’s much different from what one would expect- especially the ‘her’ part...Romani’s face when they met was so funny. But even though he gives her a hard time about it, he is one of the reasons she actually stayed...did you know she’s strong enough to resist command seals AND return to the throne room if she wanted to?!” Mash went from nostalgia to game stat conversation in the blink of an eye. 

Gudako downed the remains of her tea and looked at Mash with a clearly puzzled face.

 

“Um...wow I did not know that.” She kept her voice believable and thanked some foreign deity that everyone in this facility was so naive and stupid when Mash continued on as if nothing had happened.

 

“Most people don’t, they’re afraid to talk to servants and...other people that aren’t exactly typical staff..” Her cheeks are deeply flushed with embarrassment and shame as she rubs her thumbs together. Fou coos softly but doesn’t cease in his voyage to strip Gudako of her pumpkin colored locks.

 

“Hm, well Da Vinci sounds pretty cool to me. I would love to meet her sometime.” Gudako steals Mash’s forgotten tea and stacks it in her empty cup before sipping it. Mash sits up and looks at her with optimistic eyes.

 

“I...I think she would like that a lot.” She smiles widely and stands up. “You have a couple hours before the meeting, do you want to go to her now?”

 

Gudako stands with her and nods.

 

“Sure, that sounds great. Oh but I may get lost, so afterwards could you show me where the meeting is?”

 

“Did you miss the tour?” Her eyes are concerned as she picks up Fou and looks for her tea cup.

 

“I came late, took me too long to get ready partly because the uniform doesn’t fit…” Gudako frowns and earns a sympathetic sigh from Mash.

 

“The designers here truly are something...if I’m honest I’m very happy to have run into you, it must have been intimidating being one of two women in the group of a 100 Masters. It’s just nice to have more girls here…” She's blushing brightly and taking a sudden fascination with the wall as they walk. Gudako finds the decorum less than impressive but is greatly amused by the sincere and sweet girl next to her.

  
  


They are climbing down into darkness.

 

“Da Vinci! I brought one of the new Masters, she wanted to meet you!” Mash called ahead but there was no response as they marched on. The air became stuffier, less processed and clean but with an exciting movement as they continued.

Gudako finds herself in a basement lit with candles and yellow solar powered lights that ran cables across the ceiling, strange trinkets and machinery, books and papers littering the floor, and an entrance in the form of a steep stairway. Her eyes were wide with wonder and her mind whirling analytically throughout their entire descent. But her whippish internal processing slowed and warmed under a few detail.

 

The room smelled like rosemary bread, basil, and oil paint. Gudako breathed in deeply.

 

“Do you think she will share that bread with us?” Gudako turned to Mash who looked back at her with bewilderment.

 

“What do you mean, Senpai?”

 

“Doesn’t it smell like bread in here to you?”

 

She shook her head. “No, it smells like…” Mash sniffs the air and wrinkles her nose. “Smells like magic and dust.” 

 

“Oh...I guess I don’t know what magic smells like?” Gudako offered with a shrug.

 

“INCORRECT!” The brazen and excited voice came from behind a stack of boxes and a woman with brown hair, star like freckles, and sky blue eyes appeared with a wide grin. In her arms were several crates filled with green cubes. “You most certainly know the scent of magic! In fact I would say your nose is better than that of any mage and most servants!” The woman sets down her loot and approaches Gudako with arms that wrap her into a warm hug. Her shapely body was surprisingly strong and her automatic arm stiff and cold even through the fabric of Gudako’s shirt. Gudako’s face was covered by soft brown hair and the smell of bread, paint, and basil grew stronger as did the sensation of thick canvas on her fingertips.

 

Before she could hug back, the woman pulled away and planted a kiss on each of Gudako’s cheeks.

 

“Ah si si si si! Mash well done, I believe you have found the powerful mage I was looking into!” 

 

“Da Vinci!” Mash breathed out with surprise. “I-I don’t- you were looking for one of the-”

 

“Of course! I myself felt it a few hours ago, it was the presence of an astonishingly powerful and adept Master!” Her eyes were alight and her hand (the one made of flesh) found itself on Gudako’s back. To Gudako it felt like a mixture of childlike wonder merged with ancient intelligence, something that the barest warmth of the sun.

 

“How did you…” Mash began but then stopped herself and gave Da Vinci a smile. “You’re always so weird Da Vinci...this is Ritsuka Fujimaru, but she prefers to be called Gudako.”

 

Da Vinci’s hand tenses up slightly on her back and Gudako watches her smile fall.

 

“Ritsuka…? Ritsuka...Ritsuka...hm…”

 

Da Vinci all the sudden moved away and Gudako felt herself inexplicably leaned towards where she had left. Mash and Gudako watched as Da Vinci thumbed through several pristine and official looking documents.

 

“Hm...hmm…..hhhmmmm….” She snaps her fingers. “Mash I need you to collect some things for me.” Da Vinci grabs a pen and stray piece of paper with a pornographic drawing on the back. She furiously begins scribbling things down before thrusting it into Mash’s puzzled face.

 

“Please go to the main office and find Romani to get these materials. If they give you any grief just tell them that I will quit my work here if they refuse me.”

 

Mash accepts the paper with trembling hands. “O….k…” She turns to Gudako who shrugs. They both turn to leave but Da Vinci grabs Gudako’s shoulder and waves at Mash.

 

“It will get done faster if it’s just you, and I would like to talk to the little prodigy about summoning cataclysm.”

 

Mash’s eyes shine and she smiles and nods. “I see, have fun, Senpai! I will be back in time to take you to the meeting I promise!” And with that she hopped up the stairs.

 

Gudako felt her heart drop and her breathing become deeper and even. It was a practiced response when she felt threatened and needed to keep up a cover. It occurred to her now that Da Vinci was not only smart but incredibly intimidating and capable. Gudako turned to her with a natural smile, her eyes kept glassy and unfocused.

 

“I think prodigy might be a little too much praise, Da Vinci. So what’s this about a summoning?”

 

She smiled back but it was soft and understanding.

 

“Gudako isn’t very subtle if you're trying to steal someone's identity.”

 

Gudako’s shoulders slumped and she sighed, scratching the back of her head and cringing at the frayed and oily hair she touched.

 

“Ew- uh ah ha ha...yeah...I’m kinda surprised I lasted this long if I’m honest…” Da Vinci moved to the entryway and pulled the large wooden door shut over it. She looked back at Gudako, who stood defensively and ready to grab the fire poker.

 

“Don’t worry Bella I don’t want to hurt you, I just don’t want anyone barging in on this. Now I have a lot to explain, how about some tea?”

 

Gudako nods and feels herself slipping into relaxation and trepidation but forces herself to stay anxious and focused.

 

“Sounds great…”

 

Da Vinci senses her unease and moves slowly as she sets up the kettle and prepares two cups.

 

“So where are you from, really?”

 

“I had heard that there was something up here and uh...kinda snuck in hoping to land a scoop…” Gudako’s cheeks burned and she fumbled with the too-short-sleeves on her shirt. Da Vinci throws her head back and laughs, her voice smooth as honey.

 

“Oh my! Truly you are a wonder! I had thought you were a rival mage who sought to destroy or infiltrate us! Not to clumsily--” She breaks off into giggles. “Oh dear….honey?”

 

“Yes please. So um...how did you know?” Gudako shyly refuses to meet her eyes.

 

“Ritsuka Fujimaru had superb test results but terrible communication and compatibility scores. He would never be able to make Mash feel so secure as to babble, let alone attract servants. It takes more than just raw mana, you know.”

 

There is a beat and then Da Vinci turns to her with slightly wide eyes.

 

“You...you don’t know.” Her voice is soft and both of them stare at each other as they think. Gudako’s voice lacks its usual tone of amusement and relaxed humor as she speaks next.

 

“It would appear that this is information that is a special brand of confidential. I don’t plan to share it with another soul. I will leave quietly.”

 

“...is journalism important to you?”

 

“Not really.” Her reply is flat.

 

“Would you like to know more?”

 

“Of course but I doubt I can safely receive that knowledge.”

 

“You can because I will tell it to you. But only if you stay, just for a little while. You have the best combination of natural born talent and hard earned skill I have ever seen in a Master.”

 

Gudako stares hard out the ground and weighs her options. She obviously has to agree, get as much information as possible and see how she can exploit it later down the road. Especially because Da Vinci bought the journalism lie. SHe pretended to be conflicted and spoke with a hesitant tone.

 

“Ok...I would like to know more. Da Vinci, please tell me everything.”

  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


Hours of sitting and soaking in information with a meticulous detail. Both Gudako and Da Vinci communicating small and subtle things with the littlest flick of the fingers or tilt of the head.

Three cups of tea, a basket of biscotti, and Gudako found herself laying in Da Vinci’s lap while the servant finished her lecture on mage politics.

 

“I don’t think there's much anything else...oh! Yes one more thing about us servants, as I’m sure you’ve noticed I am very attached to you. Normally I’m not this affectionate however certain mages draw out the urges in servants. Some attract the desire to serve, others the desire to kill. I believe you bring out the desire to be affectionate and close. So do be careful, some servants with madness and similar traits may turn violent and crazed. It can be difficult to tell with an effect such as yours.”

 

“That sounds like a pain in the ass.” Gudako allowed herself to speak freely.

 

Da Vinci blinked and responded slowly. “I suppose you aren’t entirely wrong…”

 

Gudako nodded wisely and sipped the remains of her tea away before setting it down.

 

“Well thank you again Da Vinci, I think I...need to soak in all of this information...also may I inquire as to where the restroom is down here?”

 

“Of course dear, unfortunately there is not one here but if you go up the stairs and to the left you should find one.” Da Vinci took Gudako’s empty mug and they both stood. The italian servant seemed to have a brief moment of hesitation but decided against hugging the soon-to-be Master. Gudako gave her a patient and sweet smile as she squeezed her hand and then pulled away to the stairway.

 

“Really though, thank you.” And with that she parts into the cold and dark narrow staircase. Behind her Da Vinci has the sense that she intends never to return but blames such a feeling on the strange attachment to her mana and presence. Yearning settles into her chest as Gudako drifts further and further away, and she busies herself with washing cups.

 

Meanwhile Gudako is at a jog. She needed to use the bathroom for real but beyond that point she needed to get the fuck outta dodge. As she brushed past a group of security individuals she heard the static through their radios, warning of a perverted and possibly dangerous individual in a closet. With Ritsuka found she had 27 hours to leave the facility, the 24 hours it would take to ship him to an investigative bureau in New York and then the 3 it would take for them to figure out he is the real Ritsuka Fujimaru that he claims to be.

 

She cursed softly under her breath as she finished her business and washed her hands in the bathroom, the clock within her head ticking away. She stole a glance of herself in the mirror and sighed. 

 

Dirty, tired, greasy, and tense stuffed into an ill-fitting uniform. Her usual polished and refined self was covered in a shell of dishevelment and it made her more angry than anything. She splashed her face with ice cold water and slapped her cheeks.

 

“It doesn’t matter.” Her self-affirmation was like an onion or ogre, layered. But at the moment it primarily referred to the world shaking information she had just been given and how she planned to reject whatever calling may be associated with it. 

 

She walked out of the bathroom with purpose and confidence, only to immediately crash into the chest of someone else who was walking with as much swagger as she. 

 

A strange man with an ugly ass haircut and the top hat and suit from barf puke hell. Gudako raised an eyebrow as she steadied herself to keep from falling.

 

“Sorry…” She began and smiled nervously, scratching the back of her head. “I wasn’t paying attention…” She looked through thick eyelashes to watch the man brush off his suit and give her a sickeningly slimey smile.

 

“Oh no worries my dear...are you a new Master?” His voice and eyes got hard. “Shouldn’t you be in the chambers with the rest of them?” His voice hinted to threat and violence. The hair on the back of Gudako’s neck stood up stiff and she gave a titillating giggle.

 

“Do I look the part? Ah ha, I was just trying on the outfit to see how it would feel but well obvious…” She gestured and offered him a sheepish shrug. The lie rolling off her tongue genuine and smooth.

 

The man smiled widely at her and nodded his head.

 

“I see, it looks lovely on one such as yourself. Now you may wish to get back to the control room, young lady.” A command, not a suggestion.

 

“Ok!” She kept her voice cheerful and then spun back towards the bathroom. “Let me put on my actual uniform first.”

 

He was unhappy with that but said nothing as she walked away. From under his breath he muttered in a voice sinister and slick.

 

“Disgusting creatures…”

 

Gudako swallowed the anger and unease and stood only for a few seconds before fleeing the bathroom in the opposite direction he had left. It was as she walked down an empty white hall that she heard sirens and the stark white interior turned bright red.

 

An emergency.

 

Then a massive boom that shook the ground and made her fall to her knees with her hands over her ears. Gudako isn’t sure how long she stayed like that until two hands touched her back and guided her head upwards.

 

She met the eyes of a very concerned man, his lips moving but the ringing in her ears too loud to hear. He helped her steady herself and she realized people were running past them towards the exit. Gudako blinked and leaned against the wall, reading the man’s lips as he yelled at his fleeing comrades.

 

Her heart dropped into her stomach when she saw him mouth ‘Where’ and ‘Mash’. She pulled from his arms and looked behind them, against the stream of fleeing people.

 

It was the weird white pastel cat racoon, staring at her from its perch on top of a hanging lamp. Under his small feet the lamp swayed unsteadily and above his twitching ears dust fell onto his head from loosening tile. Yet his eyes- dusk purple and twilight blue- were unwavering atop Gudako’s venomous yellow. She watched with quiet fascination as the ringing in her ears faded to allow in the screams of panic. In her ear was a frantic panting that accompanied the frightened heart she could feel pressed against her back. It’s beat was bright and red and she looked up to see the tearful and stressed face of a man that would have looked kinder if not for the fear of death. His strawberry hair tickled his face and his gloved hand cupped her cheek and he pulled her body towards the exit.

 

“You need to leave- it isn’t safe people are dy- y-you have to go-”

 

His voice was an ushered whisper that trembled and quivered from his lips. While he pulled her towards safety his body still seemed to cling to hers and tremble. Gudako felt her hardened expression soften and she willed her jaw to unclench itself. She pulled away from him, placing his numb and shock cold hands over his to remove them from her body. His sky blue eyes spilled the tears held there but he seemed too shock to reach out for her as she pushed her back against the people that ran past. Unbidden, words came from her mouth. Something she didn’t mean but said with a gentle sincerity completely out of habit and reflex.

 

“It’ll be ok.”

 

And then she is completely vacuumed into the fleeing crowd, forcing her way backwards and looking to the furry little beast atop of ceiling. Once close enough, she opened her arms and held him to her chest like a football when he leapt to her without hesitation. It didn’t take long for her to emerge from the throng of people, it looked like a certain funnel had taken place and they were all pushing inwards. Whether the exit was closed or merely small was up for thought but Gudako didn’t give it more than a few seconds as she ran freely with Fou in her arms.

 

Except she took a brief break to kick off her shoes, they bit into her heels uncomfortably. She may have slid a bit comically in her too big and too loose socks but that was less of a concern and speed was a necessity.

 

Fou mercilessly nipped at her hands and arms when she went the wrong way, leading her eventually to the room that Mash told her to be the Ray Shift room. It’s massive metal doors were partially ripped off their mechanisms, hanging half off of thick sparking cables and titanium, smoke billowed out from the gaps and made it impossible to see inside. 

 

Gudako dropped Fou onto the ground and entered, calling out for Mash. She quickly gagged and snapped off the buttons on her shirt to hold the fabric to her nose. It smelled like oil, blood, and sulfur, scratching at her throat and making her eyes sting.

 

Quietly, she was called. Gudako moved cautiously, unable to see the rumble and occasionally stepping on glass or scratching her legs on jutting metal. She could not see Mash but heard her breathing and weak mutters. Still moving carefully, Gudako called out her name as she crouched down and used her hands to feel around.

 

The ground is slick and warm and thick, too thick to be human blood- oil was the only only conclusion she could make. Which was further proved by the massive structure of smooth polyplastic that was wider than Gudako was tall and taller than god knows what.

 

“Mash, I can’t see you. Where are you?”

 

A sudden hand grabbed her thigh, and a weak ‘here’ accompanied it. Trembling, Gudako’s hands traveled from their position against the smooth surface of the machine to soft hair and a dirty sweatshirt.

 

She sucked in a deep breath and paused in thought. The alarm was background noise to Mash’s strangled breathing, the red light barely penetrating through the smoke as Gudako’s eyes adjusted to the darkness.

 

From what little they could make out, Mash was laying under a large slag of machinery that cut through half of her torso. Her face was covered in blood and chemical residue, her glasses long gone. Below her trembling body, a pool of dark red and thick liquid that Gudako could now only assess as blood.

 

Seeing it hit her like a truck, the scent of feces, blood, and vomit now hitting her full force. Gudako turned away to vomit, while Mash raised a hand to weakly place over hers.

 

“Le….avee….” Her words were muffled by coughing but Gudako understood the gist. ‘Leave me and live.’

 

Under normal circumstances she would but this was a secret facility in the middle of nowhere and those behind her likely couldn’t even escape. She didn’t voice this aloud, however, and laid down awkwardly so her rank breath fell across Mash’s face and Mash’s shuttering blood spitting gasps hit Gudako’s face. The convict closed her eyes and sighed.

 

Blood seeped into her top and hair and Gudako leaned forward to place her forehead against Mash’s. She grabbed the young girl’s trembling hand and gave it a comforting squeeze. In front of her Mash began to shake and sob. Her words coming out in bubbles of blood and snot as she wrapped her arms around Gudako’s shoulders and pulled her closer.

 

“Th-hank you fo-r-r sta-staying with M-M-M-meee--” Mash broke a bold facade like a dam and what flowed out of appreciation, pain, and fear.

 

Gudako kissed her temple and felt red hot tears slip down her face as Mash wailed painfully.

 

“Ithurtsithurtsithurtsithurtsithurts.” Mash began a chant into Gudako’s neck as she sobbed into it, more of the thick oily blood sliding down Gudako’s back and chest. She rubbed the girls back and pressed her cheek to her head.

 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m here, I’m here.”

 

“ITHURTSITHURTSITHURTSITHURTSITHURTS-” Mash overexerted herself and ended up throwing up the remains of her stomach contents and what felt like some actual stomach. Her throat was clogged up, too much so to talk. Gudako sobbed into Mash’s hair and leaned into her, taking deep breaths to keep her voice as steady as she could as she talked.

 

“It’s ok, it’s ok. You’re going to be ok.” Her voice was far from strong willed but Mash relaxed if only slightly as she choked. Gudako pet her head and nuzzled into her.

 

“It’s ok, It’s ok. You’re so strong, you’re so strong, Mash. So strong and so important.”

 

Mash’s body quivered once more and heaved in a sob she couldn’t let out. There was whirling, Gudako felt tremendously tired, and then a flash of white.


	2. It was a dream within a- you're in 2006 now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Gudako isn't dead probably

This bed was uncomfortable. Gudako shifted in it and bitterly opened her eyes to face a crumbling wall. Slowly she blinked as events flooded back to her. Urgency and adrenaline shot into her system and she stood, her head darting around with frenzy. Unfortunately her blood was not as fast as her mind, her vision blackened and she crumbled onto the ground. She drank in air as her ears rang and color finally came into view. Dirt and dust littered grimey cobblestones. She ignored the cold that seeped into her palms when the ringing subsided enough for her to hear a voice. 

“-even try to escape?”

“Wha…” She turned towards the voice, his figure blurry. 

“I asked you if you will even attempt to escape. This is le Château d'If after all. The inescapable prison, a coffin for the living.”

“Ugh I think I’m gonna-” Gudako vomits.

“...” There is now barf on his boots. This woman is lucky that he needs her to escape this hell. 

“I will restate your situation. You may attempt to escape or you may rot. Be warned, to escape means pain and death.”

Gudako is coughing and hacking, trying to get the taste out of her mouth.

“Ok.” She weakly affirms that she had heard him. 

Dantes watched her collect herself, cooly. The universe had just barely informed him of the situation before depositing her here. Apparently she wasn’t supposed to live and this was a cosmic test, one she was destined to fail. And with her failure he would be able to escape this stone tomb, what he would do afterwards in a world without humanity was something he could figure out when he got there. 

He was stirred from his thoughts at the creaking of the iron gate. She had opened it. He was the only one who had the key to this fucking cell, how did she open it?

Gudako didn’t look back at him as she walked down the hall, picking up a torch on her way and leaving with Dantes’ only source of light.

She jumped in alarm and spun around, almost smashing her face into his chest. She hadn’t heard his footsteps or the creak of the cell door that she left narrowly shut. But he had appeared right next to her, the smell of sea salt and wet dirt overwhelming her. Gudako gagged and looked at him with wide eyes as he smirked.

“Don’t do that.” She hissed at him.

“Why not?” He chuckled at her fear and smirked.

“Because it fucked scared me.” She frowns at him and he frowns back, caught off by her blunt admission. She lacked the arrogance and confidence that he would expect from a mage. Not to mention that she lacked the overwhelming anxiety and bewilderment that he would expect from….anyone suddenly thrust into an unknown prison cell.

They were walking together now, giving Dantes the chance to observe her more closely. She had picked herself up well after puking, her heart rate was elevated but steady, her footsteps quiet and practiced. 

“First you will have to face the sin of envy.”

“What?”

She’s looking at him like he’s an idiot. Dantes frowns.

“To escape this place you must defeat the sins of man-”

“Why?”

“Be...because that’s how you do it.” Dantes doesn’t sound too sure himself.

“So like, they have keys?”

“No but you will not be able to pass through the prison until-”

“That makes no sense, I’m going to go through like….some sewers or a window or something.” She steps over a skull as she talks, Dantes thinks she may have rolled her eyes at the sight. Surely it wasn’t...too campy, right?

“That is beside the matter. There is no way to escape except to-”

“Oh woe is me….woe is me to never have been properly LOVED!?!?!!” There is a long mournful cry coming from around the corner. Gudako stops and puts a hand over his chest to stop Dantes as well.

“Your soul is held prisoner here. Defeat your foe or rot.” His voice was solemn. She must have recognized his change in tone because she looks at him from the corner of her eyes but says nothing.

“-Why should ANYONE ELSE be HAPPY when I have been LOCKED AWAY TO SUFFER. WHY. WHY. THEY DON’T DESERVE IT-”

She clicks her tongue and slips around the corner. The manic sobbing stops as she sets her cold gaze on the man before her. A mask hides his face, his hands hold horrific claws, and he’s dressed like a 90’s theatre kid in The Crucible.

“Apparently I am supposed to ‘defeat you’ or whatever that means. But-”

“A fight? You wish for me to lose more than I already have?! No….no I see you are loved, I...I will take it from you. I will take it from you, and take you from It.” The man is about to claw at his own face as he stands and begins to stagger towards her.

“But, I don’t want to fight.” He stills and she continues. “And you can have anything of mine you want, it’s honestly not worth much seeing as I’m already dead.” She sounds nonchalant and bored. 

Dantes watches from afar, his gut twisting with anxiety. He can’t escape this place without her help but here she was, begging for a death she hasn’t yet achieved. 

“I...I don’t understand…” The confusion is angering him.

“I don’t want to fight.” Gudako remains firm. There are other ways to resolve the issue, primarily because she can’t fight this guy with any hope of living. He’s off the shits. Bathsalt zombie.

“Idon’tunderstandIdon’tunderstand- No! I understand! You seek to remove me of the one final thing I have! My anger!” With those words whispered in complete urgency, he rushes the girl. She dodges away but her arm is neatly sliced with his claws. She falls to the floor and instinctively crawl/runs away from him.

Neither get far. Dantes stands in her way of escape, his face bored as he gazes at the Phantom. He says nothing as he raises his hand. Energy black and sickening green swirl and amass, sounding like the shedding of snake skin and static. The attack lands within the man’s stomach, causing his mask to fall and his face to take on an expression of shock.

Gudako sucks in a sharp breath and they lock eyes. He reaches towards her and then disappears into gold dust.

 

“Let’s move on.”

Edmond steps over her.

“I will not aid you next time.”

She remains silent but he can feel her eyes boring into his back. He stops but doesn’t turn to look at her, he can imagine her face to be horrified and distraught. He smiles.

“...Dantes.” Her voice is a rough and raspy whisper. He turns to see the look of despair on her face as the realization sinks in. 

She is furious. Were she not a human he would think her an avatar of wrath. Eyes narrowed and breathing coming out in short, barely controlled puffs. Her fist clenched and unclenched.

“What the fuck was that?”

“That was a murder.”

“No I know that, what was the- the…” She gestures vaguely with her hands and looks at him with confusion and confliction.

It is Edmond’s turn to inhale sharply.

“You….you don’t know what magic is?” He is furious.

 

She opened her eyes for real this time and was greeted with a hell red sky.

“Fuck.”

Gudako stood up and surveyed her still bloodied and too-small uniform. She frowned and lifted her head to look more closely at her surroundings. It just looked like a city that had a...rough day? Gudako was a bit too tired to deal with this right now, deciding to shrug it off and start wandering the area. 

She was stopped short by the strange hulking amalgamations of shadow and flesh that roared at her with bloodthirsty intent. Gudako groaned through her teeth and gave them a couple seconds of pause before sprinting away. It’s a good thing she was used to this sort of thing but exhaustion and hunger nibbled at her too strongly for her to continue and after a couple paces she fell to the ground with a trail of curses.

Their heavy footsteps were gaining on her, dust and soot being kicked up and making her cough and close her eyes. She braced for an impact that never came. Instead she opened her eyes to study dark ruby red eyes and strange blue hair.

“What the fuck?” Her voice came out incredulous. The man that was hovering over her appeared amused and raised a thick eyebrow.

“Ye be breathing, lass?” His accent was impressively thick and foreign. Gudako considered herself well at placing voices but his deep rumble was unlike anything she had ever heard before. Part Scottish roll, part english trill, and part archaic gibber.

“Probably.” Her reply was flat and he let out a hearty laugh, offering him a calloused hand. She took it happily and was impressed when he pulled her up so fast that her entire body was disconnected from the ground. But awe faded as her mind was also disconnected and her vision went black and gravity lurched around her. 

“Oi…” The voice was startled and strong arms supported her against an equally strong chest. Blurry eyed, Gudako blinked away the darkness and looked up at the strange cloaked man.

“I like your tattoos…” He gave her a grin but concern didn’t leave his eyes. She leaned into him heavily as dehydration rolled in her gut. “Ummmhhhhggg...I don’t want to uh...burden you…”

“But?” He was still amused, clearly seeing what was coming.

“Could you help me not die maybe?”

“Aye, I would reckon I can gi’e it me best try.” Gudako nodded her head at his response. “But lass I may be needin a bit o help, seems ye be a master?”

“I’m no one important.” An automatic response. He hummed.

“Well ting is if I got me a wee ‘ittle master I could pro’lly do a wee ‘ittle better job o’ caring for her. Wouldn’t ye agree?”

Gudako groaned.

“Just do whatever it is you need to.”

“HA!” He barked out a laugh and tossed her body over his shoulders like a lamb. “AYE! T’en a deal be struck, ittle Master.” His lips came to her hand and it seared with heat then cooled as if suddenly dumped into a spring. Dimly, Gudako registered the feeling of ancient moss covered stone on her hands and sea wood smoke curling around her body. Her breath came out in short painful bursts and her head was pounding. His hood was down, showing a cascade of silky blue hair down his back. Hair that she tugged in effort to test it’s authenticity.

“What’s your name?”

“Cu Chulainn, caster class.”

“Oh shit, you’re a servant?”

“Wut.”

“SENPAI!!!!” Gudako flinched at the loud yelling and groaned. The voice was….familiar but also far too friendly for her to place--

“Oh shit that’s---”

A 170 pounds of purple and armor crashed into a sputtering Caster, knocking him onto his ass while gracefully catching Gudako.

“S-senpaiiiii….” She sniffed and teared up, stuffing her surprisingly clean face into Gudako’s dirty shoulder. Awkwardly, Gudako patted her head. Mash smelled of metal polish and old wood now, her body felt chorded and strong. 

“Oh god my brain is so fucking numb right now. Uh, Coo meet Mash, Mash meet Coo. He’s a wizard.”

“Caster”  
“Caster”  
“Caster”

Three voices corrected her. Surprised, Gudako and Cu turned to the third voice, a white haired girl frowning seriously at Mash. The four sane things within the timeline had finally met and would hopefully bond together to take the first step in saving the world-

“cAsTeR” Gudako mocked.

-we are already dead.


	3. Sum snek, sum oops, sum Wife

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i refuse to read
> 
> also to those who know my tumblr, lmao amiright

“To be honest I forgot his name but the whole time he was like “Its kill or be killed blah blah blah” so like obviously my brain is a bit fried from inhaling toxic smoke.”

“Senpai that’s great and I’m sorry to interrupt but this doesn’t sound like a normal dream…”

“Aye, I ‘gree. Ye sae t’at he wae shootin lazrs fro’ he hands? Sound li’e magic ter me.”

“I can’t understand a word that comes out of your mouth. Ritsuka, as the last master of Chaldea why have you not chosen a more competent servant to contract?” Olga Marie spoke up as the group walked along a desolate highway.

“I don’t understand the question.” Gudako deadpanned at her.

“Ugh-- Are you SURE you’re even a Mage?! You know nothing about magic, rayshifting, servants-- I doubt you even read the handout!” She exploded for the 5th time since they’d met. Mash and Cu continued walking, chatting ahead of them. They were obviously being discrete when not shouting back replies to her but Gudako caught snippets of their conversation. Something about strengthening Mash and awakening her noble phantasm. Thankfully Da Vinci explained that part.

“Director-” Gudako gave her a sad look and flushed, looking at her feet. “I...I’m sorry.” Marie tripped next to her and Gudako had to hold in her snort. “I...I wish I could be more useful but...well I come from a low ranking magus family and I was expecting to intern and-” She forcibly cut herself off to give the illusion of being choked up.  
“N-No worries!” From out of the corner of her eye, Gudako saw a flustered and panicked Olga Marie. “A-After all, with me here you will be fine! D-Don’t beat yourself up too hard-” Her words came out stiff and hurried. Ahead of them, Mash giggled.

Gudako felt her shoulders soften and she gave the director a genuine smile. What a softie this uppity girl was.

“Thank you, Director. I leave myself in your care.”

Olga Marie hummed an affirmative and resumed her usual posture.

“Of course. But don’t you forget to protect me, I am your only way out of here after all.”

Gudako smiled at her and then once more turned her attention to the backs of her ‘servant’s. During their tragic death scene, she and Mash had formed a contract which had lead Mash to her location. From what Da Vinci had told her, contracting more than one servant should have broken her because of like....magical energy or something? So, no death was pretty cool.

However, something felt off. Cu was like an old dog, lumbering with certainty and loyalty. Mash was like a blanket of security and warmth when you worry of the toe-sucker grabbing your foot from under your bed. But now something else lingered and clung to her. She wouldn’t claim that it was bad, in theory, that is. It was a weight that lay heavy in her shadow, comforting almost. Except that is also brought fog into her head and cloudiness to her eyes. She wanted nothing more than to curl up and sleep but was forced to refuse such actions lest it gets everyone killed. It smelled like sewage water and it felt like rats and beetles biting at her skin. She shuddered and focused her mind on something else, only the freeze.

“S...stop.” Both Mash and Cu froze, looking back at her with concern.

“There’s...someone. They are fast- they smell like rust and wet rocks…”

“Touch’em lass, whet dew t’ey feel ‘ike?” Cu encouraged her as the two servants started to move towards her.

“Don’t come closer, it gets muddled.” Gudako was firm and shook firmly at the fog, catching the throat of the shadow in her’s and shaking it until it loosened its grip on her mind.

“It feels fast. Like even at a walk it moves at a run. It- sorry, She. She sounds like a snake-”

“Aye, I be known o t’at. Geet ready fer yer fir’t fight, Master.”

“Why can you say ‘master’ and not ‘first’?”

“‘Caos I want tae.”

“Senpai-” Mash is next to her now. “What's your plan of action?”

“Uh...talk it out?”

“That won’t work.” Olga Marie stands with her arms crossed over her chest. “Servants converse through fighting. Not to mention this is an unfamiliar one, they will at least want to test your mettle. If not kill you entirely.”

“Well, that’s stupid.”

“Oi.”

“Cu are you telling me that you would do that? Just fight someone?”

“Aye-”

“You’re stupid.”

“Senpai I think we are getting off topic-”

“Yer a fecking bitch.”

“At least I’m not dumb.”

From behind her, there’s a shout, Gudako sluggishly turns around to witness Olga Marie be wrapped around by living iron chain and dragged into the darkness.

“Oh...hey that was that lady I was telling you about, that moves really fast an-” Before Gudako can finish her sentence, she is picked up by Cu and the remaining three are bounding after a screaming Marie.

They arrived in a mess of statues. Gudako slipped from Cu’s arms as he readied his battle stance. In front of them, a writhing Marie and a hot lady with purple hair. Mash stood in front of her, shield at the ready.

“Awaiting orders, Senpai!”

“Uh…”

“Tsskk. It doesn’t matter, those few who remain living. Soon you will join my party, our banquet, my statues.”

“Oh worm, lol that’s like uh...oh my god what was her name uh….Med….Medisca? No...Meniscus! There it is.”

“D...do you mean Medusa?” The antagonist woman spoke, locking eyes with Gudako from atop Mash’s shield.

“No, I mean the snake lady from greek fantasy. She had like...worms for hair and could turn people to stone.”

“Snakes.”

“Where?” Gudako looked around at her flat reply and restrained a snicker.

“No--” The woman is growing furious. Her chains loosen their grip on Olga and Gudako nudges Cu with her elbow. “The hair. It wasn’t worms, it was snakes.”

“W-...why?” Gudako questioned with genuine curiosity as runes burned under the cover of Mash’s shield.

“Because snakes are an enemy to humans. They are monstrous, bringing death and poison in their wake-”

“What? That doesn’t make any sense, snakes are adorable. They have little puppy dog mouths and they get rid of crop ruining rodents.”

The woman had a sudden spark in her eyes and she nodded enthusiastically.

“Yes! Yes exactly! And they are very mellow, they only strike when provoked and genuinely care for their young!” She releases Olga entirely and moves closer to Gudako, the color returning to her grey cheeks. Olga scrambled to Cu’s side and he finished casting protection runes. Mash looked between her senpai and the snake woman, confusion written on her face.

“Hey, we are going to like...get out of this hellfire wasteland. You wanna come with us? We can finish this up, hit up a cafe- I know a lot of great ones- get some pastries, get some tea, chat about snakes?” Gudako’s offer was heartfelt. She felt a kinship with the intimidating woman, she was 6’3 and hated. The complexity of her character combined with her sincere nature reminded Gudako of many friends and allies she had employed over the years to commit crimes. While she may have initiated the conversation to distract and antagonize her, Gudako was now committed to forcing this woman to live life vivaciously.

“You...you want me to join you?”

“Join is a weird word, it’s less like ‘join’ and more like ‘chill out with’.”

“I don’t follow.” She backs away now, her gaze reproachful. Gudako stepped in front of Mash and her shield and kept her hands to her sides, relaxed.

“What’s your name?”

“Rider.”

“What the fuck kind of name is that?” Gudako drops her tender persona to adopt accusing bewilderment. The woman seems to blush and curl in on herself, nervously looking away and fidgeting with the heavy chains in her hands.

“Medusa.”  
“There we go. Ok, Medusa.” She met Gudako’s eyes and swallowed. She knew her eyes were horrifying, paralyzing. Frightening to so many humans. But the did not compare to the absolute savagery and electricity that were contained in the masters acid yellow eyes, forcing her to meet an energetic and pinning gaze without flinching. “I order you to ditch this dump and come with me.”

“You...are ordering me?” Medusa was rampant with confusion, anger, and glee. Gudako nodded and grinned, the canines in her mouth just a little too big for a normal human. She was unsettling and exciting all the same. 

“Yup! So let’s get a move on, I really want to take a shower.” Her attitude shifted from overwhelming commanding to whiny as she complained and leaned on Cu’s shoulder. Everyone in the group was confused by the sudden change but awkwardly followed her will and began to walk toward the supposed holy grail and their way out.

Behind them, Medusa slithered with unease, half expecting to stab them in the back and half expecting them to yell at her to leave. Neither event occurred. If anything she found herself moving closer to listen to the exaggerated bickering between Gudako and Marie, and then Gudako and Cu. And then Gudako began to bicker with her as well, something about how Medusa was a cheap knockoff of a horror movie because of the way she held her weapon. Such petty squabbles brought in an air of comradery as everyone began to hate the poorly dressed ginger.

“Oh, hey there's some guy ahead.”

“Dew he feel ‘ike an arse?” Cu chimed in.

“Uh...he feels like a housewife.”

“Aye.” Cu and Medusa shared a grin and the group walked into the clearing. Atop a building, a guy with a bow stood.

“Oi, Master. Ye goe aheed-”

“Ok.”

“T’at wae a wee fast ter be agree’n.” Cu watched as all the ladies walked away from him, Gudako looked over her shoulder and gave him a toothy smirk. He grinned back at the unspoken message and assumed a fighting stance.

Her mana flowed into him like a gulp of hot ale, burning his belly with warmth and energy. Her meaning was loud and clear “Win this you saucy motherfucker and return to me victorious.”

 

“Woah they’re loud aren’t they?” Gudako nonchalantly commented as they continued to walk towards the source of the disturbance.

“That’s what you get for indulging them in this...whatever you call it.” Medusa grumbled.

“Sword fight? Hand comparison? Duck-feeding competition? Nut-counting? Willy-wacking? Sailing white seas? Basket shopping? Cottaging?”

“How many of these do you know?” Olga appeared disgusted while Mash confused.

“Senpai, I don’t get it.”

“I’m making euphemisms about gay sex.” At Gudako’s reply, Olga groaned. Mash processed this information and then nodded sagely.

“I see, senpai considers herself funny.”

Medusa snickered and Olga snorted. Gudako feigned a gasp and hide her grin behind her hand. Mash was blushing but looked happy, especially when Gudako teasingly poked her side.

“What, you don’t think I’m funny?”

Mash turned her head away but Gudako saw the smile on her lips.

“I suppose that’s your answer.” Olga Marie giggled under her breath as Gudako gave her an exaggerated expression of grief.

“Do you think you could do better, Director?” Gudako challenged with a grin, Olga smiled back, her eyes relaxed and her body posture open to the trio of girl.

“Of course. Although the bar is low-” Medusa snickered again and Mash hid her face behind her shield. “Why don’t lobsters share?”

Marie pauses for effect and also because she’s already snorting at the punchline. She beat her to it.

“Because they're shellfish?”

“BECAU- wait-” Marie deflated slightly before scowling at Gudako, who smirked and snickered back. 

The atmosphere changed when Medusa suddenly moved in front of the other three girls, holding her weapons at the ready as her eyes scanned the area.

“Mage, what do you sense?”

Gudako paused and cringed. The shadow that clung to her was digging its cause into her skull, smoke was entering her brain and her senses dulled as soon as she tried to access them. Fatigue overwhelmed her, so much so that she nearly collapsed but caught herself by gripping onto the rocky wall to the side of the road they walked, her already cut and bruised hands being inflicted further abuse as her fingernails claw into the surface and blood seeps from under them.

“Senpai-” Mash is by her side, shifting to support her weight. Gudako shakes her head.

“I’m sorry Medusa I can’t-” The smell of rot and mold and ionized gold was so strong it made her want to gag.

“Don’t push yourself, Mage…”

“Correct you are, Rider Medusa.” The voice was slimy and sickly. Lev lain….something. Stood atop a flattened rock hill, a vortex of black emptiness swirling behind him. Gudako groaned and gave Medusa a 'fucking douchebag thinks athletes foot is an injury' look.

“Lev!” Olga and Mashu cried in unison, cheerful. Olga ran towards him and Mash began to move forward but Gudako’s free hand gripped her wrist tightly.

“Senpai…”

“DIRECTOR!” Gudako’s commanding tone was enough to stop Olga in her sprint, she looked behind at them and her smile faded.

“What?! It’s Lev-”

“I know who he fucking is just- Ugh, Medusa could you…?”

“Certainly.” Medusa threw her chains forward, once more grabbing Olga and jerking her back. The wind was forced out of the small girl and she was sent flying back to the group. Gudako moved away from the wall and Mash to put a restraining hand on Olga’s shoulder.

“This doesn’t feel right.”

“What are you talking about?!” Olga’s temper flared and she roughly shoved Gudako away, pointing to Lev.

“He is far more capable than any of us! If he is here then we will be alright!” She turned to Lev and smiled, beginning to walk towards him again. “Lev I was so worried, I’m so glad you’re ok.” Her sigh sang with relief. Gudako gestured to Medusa to pull back and looked at the man with her chin tilted up.

“Ah Marie…” Lev opened his arms and gestured for her to approach him once more.

“This is wrong.” Gudako’s voice was a low and threatening utterance that sent shivers up Medusa’s spine. Mash looked torn and confused but stood her ground by her master, although not fully comprehending the animosity she held.

This time, Marie hesitated. She held back from sprinting towards Lev, her ear tilted towards Gudako.

“L-Lev, we should get out of here-”

“Oh do not worry, Marie. I certainly will.” He smiled. “But you...you will not. You have caused me enough trouble as it is.” He became sinister.

“Wh-What do you mean?” Olga chuckled nervously and shifted on her feet.

“I mean you should not be here. Your persistence to chase dreams you cannot obtain is tiring- Marie.”

“W-”

“You are dead yet you still linger here! So determined to be a Master and to follow in your father's footsteps!” Lev laughed. “Such a foolish creature to insist with living! YOU ARE DEAD. OLGA MARIE. YOUR BODY LAY IN SMOKE AND ASH JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER HUMAN IN YOUR LOVELY FACILITY.”

Gudako quirked a brow but said nothing.

“I-NO! No I- I’m not!” Olga protested.

Gudako caught Medusa’s eye and mouthed ‘is she?’. Medusa nodded an affirmative. Gudako gestured and made a face to clearly indicate ‘wtf why didn't you say something?’. Medusa shrugged and kicked at the dirt. Gudako mouthed ‘bitch’ and Medusa flipped her off.

“OH BUT YOU ARE! YOU AND EVERYTHING YOU STOOD FOR! And just for making me serve you, care for you, on hand and foot all those years...I will give you a special send-off…” The hairs on the back of Gudako’s neck prickled.

Olga was suddenly jerked up from the ground, screeching in alarm. Gudako’s stomach fell to her feet like lead.

“You shall embrace the very thing that you spent your life protecting and nurturing! An infinite death! Ripped apart by all molecules and yet unable to die!” The image of the big round thing that someone told her was important appeared behind Lev. 

“No!” Olga shrieked, her body unable to move except for the rapid twitching of her fingers and strained whites of her eyes. “NO!”

Mash and Medusa both started to move forward but were held back by Gudako. She did not look at either servant, her eyes piercing Lev. The overgrown Oompa-Loompa seemed not to notice her and instead laugh manically at the sobbing Olga Marie as her body came closer to the sphere.

“Medusa...could you charge at him for me? Aim for the tendons on his ankles and then sever his tongue, please.” Gudako’s voice was deathly calm as she released Medusa’s elbow.

“Mash, while she does that, carry us towards Olga.”

“Y-Yes.” 

Olga’s screams were drowned out as Gudako counted from 3 to 1. They rushed into action. Medusa moved quickly, in only a matter of seconds she was behind Lev, her chains wrapping around his neck and body. She followed Gudako’s orders exactly, severing the thick tendons on the back of his heels and then slicing his tongue out in a quick motion. The man fell to his knees, blood spurting from his mouth.

“Medusa, stone him.” Gudako’s calm order carried through the air. No longer able to focus, Olga Marie was dropped from the sky and hurtled towards the earth. Mash caught her in time and Gudako jogged towards Medusa and Lev, her pace leisurely.

When she arrived she was out of breath and Lev was a pathetic piece of stone.

“Th-tha-ooooohhhmmmnn” Gudako held up her hand and leaned over her knees, taking in deep breaths. “Thank you, Medusa.” She gave the snake woman an appreciative smile, so different from the one that had graced her face when she saw Lev’s tongue atop the rock.

“Of course, Maste-” Medusa froze midsentence and coughed up blood, her eyes rolling to the back of her head. Gudako watched with bated breath.

“Medusa…” The snake woman fell forward and Gudako moved to catch her- only to find her very heavy. The two both lay on the ground, Medusa’s body on top of Gudako’s as blood rolled down her shoulder for the second time that day.

“Medusa-” Her purple eyes focused on Gudako’s and paralyzed her. Not quite stone but completely and entirely unable to move.

Next to them, the sound of cracking stone. Lev twitched and shrugged a the barrier until it crumbled, and he stood- floated, from what Gudako could see whilst unable to move her eyes. Medusa was getting blood in her mouth and she really wanted to spit it out, fuck, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew.

“Ha...a worthy attempt, Marie. But just because a servant pitied you doesn't make you safe.” Lev’s boot slammed down on Medusa’s back, causing the servant to groan and her temple to smash into Gudako’s. The shadow that lapped at her called her to sleep, to rest, to close her eyes and succumb. She wanted to whine.

Olga was screaming again, screaming, sobbing, crying. Lev was commenting to Mash, calling her pitiful and...man-made? Gudako could see nothing but she heard everything, including the wet breathing of the rider as she coughed and spewed blood directly into her face. And the sound of tearing. Crisp and savage, and then the screaming stopped.

Mash was crying now too and dimly through the blood Gudako realized that tears of her own slipped down her face as well. Her blood was boiling.

“Well, Mash. I haven’t the heart to kill you. These two will die soon as it is. So I will leave you with this.”  
There is more noise but Gudako’s senses are fading fast. Fatigue claims her in a forceful grip and pulls her soul back to the tower.

 

“Wah!” Gudako sits up and looks around, the fog clear from her head. She’s back in her favorite dream prison, the magic man looked down at her with a frown.  
“Are you done resisting?”

“Resisting what?” Gudako asks and then stands, surveying their surroundings.

“I told you already, this place is your trial to see if you deserve to live. You don’t get to just...keep living when it hasn’t been decided if you’re allowed to or not.”

“Sue me.” Gudako bit back. “So, where to next? Also, what’s your name again?”

“...Edmond Dantes.”

“Oh yeah, like the count of monte cristo. Hey, are you by chance a servant?”

 

He looked at her with absolute disgust.

“What kind of a shit magus are you? Unable to recognize magic, unable to identify servants-”

“When did I ever say I was a magus?” Gudako’s reply was blunt and aggravated.

“Unbelievable…” He muttered and strode away, only stopping when Gudako did not follow. “Well? Do you wish to move on?”

“I’m surprised you want me with you. You know I’m useless, after all.” She crosses her arms defiantly. They both know that he needs her- although Gudako doesn't know why. This is merely a facade to force him to expose his belly.

“...you are a master, and I a servant. Although only for a little while, I will be contracted under you. If you wish to continue I will follow, if you wish to rot I will rot, if-”

“Okie Dokie.” Gudako hummed and followed him, content with the answers she received. Edmond frowned but led the way, his skin prickling as she continued to walk behind him, pacing matching his, and smile unbreaking.

“So, how do I know if someone is a servant?”

“It is a wonder that you made it to this age in life. I’m saying that you should be dead. Do you understand that? Do you understand how annoying you are and how much I hate you right now? I literally think you should have been murdered 5 years before this moment.”

“Ok.” Her response is automatic and reflexive. Edmond’s eye twitches.

“So you know nothing of magic?”

“Actually I learned about it uh...today.”

“What did you learn about it?”

“Uh...magic exists.”

“I hate you.”

“Tell me something new, Dantes.” She was smiling at him, aware of his frustration but also giving him the grace and kindness to be accepting of it. She was teasing and lighthearted- a personality trait that he could only assume was natural given its persistence. He had expected her to come back...frazzled- to say the least. Given that she left her body being smothered by her reptile friend and listening to tortured screams. But she seemed so collected and playful that it disturbed him, putting off warning bells in his head from a very human instinct.

“Give me your name.”

“Gudako.” She gave no second name. He nodded.

“Very well. Gudako, from this moment until I decide to terminate it, we shall have a contract. I am your servant to command- well I already was- but now you know to call and direct me.” He gave her a slight bow of his head. Gudako smiled back.

“Thanks, b-”

“I..Is someone there?” A shaky and frightened voice interrupted them. Gudako’s head whipped around and she quickly paced towards the sound.

“Yes?” Dantes trailed after her, surprised by the comfort that even he felt by her light and welcoming tone. They rounded a corner and faces a woman dressed in red. Dantes frowned. Gudako’s hands reached out in an offer to console her.

“Hey- hi. I’m Gudako, are you ok? Are you hurt?”

The woman nods, pink hair sneaking out of her carefully woven braids.

“I...I am not harmed.”

“That’s good, that’s great.” Gudako offers her a comforting smile and the woman’s hazy red eyes release tears. “What’s your name?”

“I...I don’t know. I can’t remember- I can’t remember anything. All I know is I woke up here and now I…” She trails off and stares at her gloved hands as they trembled.  
Gudako moved closer to the woman- she smelled like clean soap, gunpowder, and hydrogen peroxide. Her hands clasped onto the woman's and she pulled them towards herself- holding the woman’s hands in her’s and pressing them to her chest.

“That’s ok! You’re with us now, we will figure it out. Do you want to get out of here with us?” Her smile is patient but bright and eager. The woman’s gloved hands feel strangely cool and clammy even through the sterile gloves but they twitch then relax in Gudako’s grip.

“Yes...thank you.” She smiles, relieved. Dantes interrupts their moment with a dark and solemn tone.

“Your name shall be Mercedes. The name of a lost and tragic wom-”

“Isn’t that the name of your fucking wife?”

Dantes glared hard at Gudako and turned on his heel. Gudako snorted and giggled, turning back to the woman.

“How about...Faria? Is that an ok name as a placeholder?” Dantes stops in his place and looks over his shoulder in time to catch the Master’s foxish grin.

“Faria...yes, that is a good name.” The woman is smiling. Gudako’s hand tingles, it feels like a needle being pressed into her skin and purity being injected into her body. She doesn’t voice the thought aloud but it resounds so firmly in her mind you would think it was spoken into existence.  
‘Mom let me have Two Servants.’


	4. **chapter sponsored by meth**

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the plight continues! 
> 
> And I intentionally left out Olga Marie's death so we can have Lev cruelly mocking it later! .w.b
> 
> short and sweet chapter uwu

Gudako liked Faria, she was an interesting character, one who felt as though she had a massive personality underneath the amnesiac exterior. At times her eyes would just go batshit and she would mutter something like ‘cleanliness is the key to survival’ which was hilarious. Dantes led the way, his scowl only thickening whenever Gudako called the woman by ‘Faria’. Eventually, he snapped.

“You insolent, foolish woman! I HAVE MADE HER AS MERCEDES JUST AS YOU ARE CREATED TO BE THE FARIA OF THIS HELL-”

“HOO IS THAT A WOMAN I SENSE?” A loud and frankly gross voice interrupted Dantes’ spill. In front of the trio stood a man that looked like a less-attractive Brock from Pokemon. Beside her, Faria trembled.

“I...I do not like this man, Gudako.” Her voice trembled and Gudako felt as though it were inappropriate for her body to make such sounds.

“Dantes are you implying that I’m a rich, incarcerated, elderly man?” Half of that description was correct.

“Perhaps.” He seems smug but immediately loses his fire when Gudako nods and shrugs in a ‘u right’ gesture. 

“And Faria was some sort of blank slate you have decided to use as Mercedes because it’s easier to travel with a brainless woman to admire and care for you?”

“WHA-”

“HELP!!!”

Gudako looked away from Dantes and to Faria, who was being roughly grabbed by the brock-man.

“Motherfucking- Faria how did you even manage…?”

“Well, this is how we were supposed to find her in the first place, so…” Dantes briefly explained whilst looking on with indifference.

“Faria-” Gudako watched the man lick her. “Ugh, fucking EW. Faria, use your nails! His mouth is open, raw up the inside of his mouth. Squish his balls with your boots. Dig out his eyes with your thumbs.” These were not mere suggestions, they were orders and intended to be taken as such. 

The woman whimpered in fear whilst the man spoke- Gudako wasn’t listening to him although Dantes did. Her companion’s face twisted into a malicious grin and he began laughing and spewing edgy nonsense. Gudako hissed at him.

“Dantes, Shut Up.” He seemed stunned into silence. Gudako turned back to the assaulted woman, weary of the drill like sword that the man held near her soft body so mindlessly.

“FARIA.” Her voice was rot with rage, the woman looked at her with surprise, blinking tears away from her blank eyes. “He is talking. Shove your hand down his throat. And Claw Your Way Out.” Gudako’s voice came out a commanding growl.

Faria blinked in understanding, her brows furrowing in determination as she waited for the man to put his reeking face to hers. As soon as he did, her gloved hand was forcing itself down his throat with a savagery that Gudako appreciated. Blood trailed her fingertips as she ripped back, pulling herself from the man’s grip entirely.

“Wonderful! Faria, come back. Dantes, I trust you to end this. Fireball him or whatever.”

“Such attacks are unlikely to land on him, Master…”

The man was raving, enraged that Faria was now back with Gudako. The mage didn't listen but instead put a securing arm around Faria’s shoulders, pulling her close with a protective intent. The woman- although taller and more muscular- sagged with relief against Gudako’s body.

“It wasn’t a fucking question Dantes.”

“You will have to use a command seal to Force me, Master.” Dantes hissed back with irritation, obviously upset that his plans had been so thoroughly soiled by the mage before they were even in place. Gudako had abandoned the role of Faria, the Berserker woman was becoming increasingly aware and bonded to the human, and even now his victim was bossing him around with absolute certainty. Not to mention she saw through all of his planning and immediately called him out on his bullshit, a frighteningly intuitive and clever quality that made his skin crawl.

Her eyes slid to him, poisonous. Then she looked to the Avatar of lust.

“I-I’m sorry…” Her lower lip trembled as she locked eyes with the man. The hand that didn’t securely hold Faria came to rest on her chest. Gudako looked down through her lashes, her hand pressing into her chest as she looked back up at the saber. “W-We have been captured by this man! He-He won’t let us leave.” Her eyes were hazy and her lip quivered.

Had he not just witnessed her give ruthless instruction to rip at the man’s throat, gouge out his eyes, and displace his scrotum- Dantes would have been fooled into believing her to be cowardly and fragile. Fergus responded with renewed vigor, snarling at Dantes and readying his sword.

“I guess I will have to steal you back!” Dantes scowled at the man’s delusions but felt much more bitter towards the human for her ease in manipulating the servant. Their unstable minds were becoming her advantage, and he didn’t like it one bit.

Fergus charged and Dante’s dodged. Gudako shrieked and pressed into Faria. To an outsider it may look as though the women were afraid and clutching to each other for support and comfort- but out of the corner of his eye Dante’s saw the protective way Gudako pulled Faria closer, the unnatural smoothness of her shrieks, and the supportive bracing of the crazy-eyed berserker that held them upright and ready to pounce away. As soon as Fergus and Dantes were several feet away, dueling, the insanity left the berserkers eyes and her strike ready claws turned back to trembling child’s hands clutching for comfort.

The fight went on much longer than it should have- Fergus had a more defined goal and felt moral superiority and that expressed itself with advanced sharpness. Dantes finished the fight panting heavily and covered in dust and blood.

“You…”

“Me?” Gudako questioned, her head tilting to the side.

“You are a vile woman.” He could imagine her anger. He called her vile after he himself had to be forced to assist her and the berserker. She was new and panicking and-

“It’s good that you know that now. Please keep that in mind the next time you decide to force my hand.” He tried to see her face but she was moving beyond the gate, towards the next sin. The Berserker followed her and briefly mumbled about the rate of infection for internal throat wounds.

 

 

Gudako opened her eyes to the red sky and didn’t pause before sitting up and staring down. She was used to this by now, it wasn’t a first and it wouldn’t be a last...probably. Hopefully. Either way she was in a good mood after putting a dart in Dantes' ego and was more than happy to spend time actually processing emotions and traumas later.

Medusa was gone, down the hill was Mash, standing with her shield while Cu shot fireballs at some lady with a sword. Gudako cursed and stood, delicately walking down to keep her feet from being gashed by sharp rubble. The battling trio stopped the look at her, Gudako heard a sharp gasp from the swordswoman. She smiled awkwardly and shyly raised her hand to wave.

“Hey~y. Soooo, Medusa is dead. I don’t know where Lev is aaaannnddd what’s going on here?” She walked slowly to Mash until Cu got impatient enough to run away from the cover of her shield and carry her back to safety.

“Senpai!” Mash looked like she wanted to hug Gudako but restrained herself in favor of holding up the shield.

“Hey Mash, what's up?”

“The Director is…”

“Aye’n wer git tae deal wit tis mutharfocker.” Cu gestured to the lady as she raised her sword and ran at them. Her sword clashed against Mash’s shield, causing the girl to flinch.

“Hey! HEY!” Gudako shrieked at the woman from her perch in Cu’s arms. “What are you doing!”

“I-I’m fighting you…?” The woman’s monotone voice was laced with confusion.

“Why??? I mean at least Medusa had a motive of being crazy- why the fuck are you hitting a girl with a fucking sword??? What are you doing???? What kind of respectable adult DOES that???”

“Senpai you weren’t this upset when Medusa attacked us…?”

“Yeah well, Medusa is crazy. This is just irresponsible.”

“I have been ordered to kill you. It is the wish of my master.” That was her blank response. She flared with power before Gudako could answer, her blade warping in black flame and growing. She brought it behind her and Mash whimpered.

“Uh, so my suggestion is we run away.”

“Ney ken dew lass. Aye tel yer wut, deploy ‘er shield n I’ll git tae runes ready.”

“Oh ok that made a ton of sense. Hey Mash, deploy your shield.”

“I- I don’t understand--”

“Tae King be ‘bout tae smesh us tae bits, lassie.”

“Come on Mash deploy your shield already.”

“I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!!!”

The saber swung down her sword, its power bracing on Mash’s shield. The three of them started screaming and yelling.

“AAAAAHHHHH OH MY GOD AAAHAHHH MASH DO THE THING!!!”

“I DON’T UNDERSTAND, SENPAI!!!”

“I’M ASSUMING ITS THE THING THAT YOU TWO FUCKERS WERE TALKING ABOUT THE WHOLE WAY HERE JUST FUCKING DO IT!!!”

“WHAT IF I FAIL?!?!” Mash wailed.

“OH YEAH BECAUSE THAT ACTUALLY MATTERS!” Gudako bit back sarcastically.

“DONT YELL AT ME IT STRESSES ME OUT!!!”

Saber withdrew her sword and readied it again, raising the blade so it stood taller than most houses.

“Mash…….” Gudako put a hand on her servant’s shoulders, her voice dangerously low and her eyes narrow. “Could you please, do whatever it is that you aren’t doing right now?”

“BUT IF I FAIL THAN-”

Gudako’s voice became grounded and casual, her hand patting her shoulder rather than giving it a death grip.

“Then you fail, there’s nothing wrong with that Mash.”

“But-”

“Mash! For fucks sake, what consequence is there that is greater than regret?” 

“Cen ye pleese finish tis ohp?!?!?!” Cu shouted from behind Gudako, although it was drowned out by the force of the wind.

The sword began to swing down but before it could get midway, Mash’s shield went alight. Gudako suddenly felt like she was wearing 20 sweaters. There was structure and warmth, a barrier that built itself around the three that the sword bounced off of like jelly. The translucent blue made the bloody red surroundings look like a strange nightmare purple but Gudako still felt safe.

“Fuck yeah.”

“Language, senpai. Masters shouldn't speak so vulgarly.” Mash seemed dazed, looking around while her back pressed into Gudako’s side.

“‘N done.” Cu was crotched on the ground and grinning like a maniac, he lifted his head. “Ready tae see a wee bit o’ fiaer, Master?”

 

“Sure.”

“Yer lack o enthusiasm bee leavin mae sad.” Cu frowned at her. Gudako shrugged.

“I doubt it will top Mash’s uh….whatever that was.”

“A noble phantasm, senpai. Did you hit your head?”

“Yes. Ok Cu!” Gudako clapped her hands as the barrier dissolved. “Impress me!” She grinned and Cu grinned back.

“OU!” He began rapidly chanting as he stood, the ground in front of him- littered with drawings and runes- lit up with an orange glow. Gudako faced the swordswoman, who looked tired and fucked. There was a flash of heat and she heard the words ‘Burning Man’ when a massive shadow was cast over her. Massive thuds sounded through the air as straw feet stepped over Gudako and towards the servant. She watched with a gaping mouth as the hilarious no-face tower sized man seized the armor-clad woman and put her inside his gated belly.

“Woah! That’s amazing Cu! You’ve totally apprehended her-”

The who thing burst into flames.

“ohmygod.”


End file.
